Who am I?
When was the last time you sat and thought about who you are ?
When I asked this question to a group of ladies recently, they all had similar answers, a mum, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a gran or gave their job title, a teacher, a nurse, a support worker or even “I am not sure at the moment”
One lady answered ,”I’m kind, loving, thoughtful ,creative and a good friend” she had recently retired and spent some time working on her “Who am I”
Often it’s the labels we carry, that influence our answers. So when we are asked this question, those labels, either from our childhood , school years or from our work place or even family nicknames are the ones we often “hear” first.
Such as quiet, shy and introvert or loud and noisy, a perfectionist or perhaps even hurtful ones such as ugly, stupid, worthless ,good for nothing, negative, angry and others of a similar thread.
These labels may be deep rooted and only noticeable later in life when something triggers them, especially when we are feeling a little down or under additional stress. They pop up as little voices and can stop us in our tracks.
These can also be linked to our self limiting beliefs , often preventing us from living fulfilled lives, stops us taking risks or even from knowing who we really are.
Who am I ? I am warm, kind , funny and a great listener . My labels of a chatterer, never shuts up, were as a result of someone close to me using silence as a punishment, so I would avoid silence at all costs.
I was often told I’m stupid, that theres something wrong with me, as I got often made mistakes or was told, you should know better. So I studied hard at school, gaining good grades, but I was so scared of failure , I became a perfectionist, in fear of getting things wrong, I was constantly trying to prove otherwise, it was exhausting. I had very few friends ,as I chose to read or even isolated myself at times, not great for an extrovert.
I became a people pleaser, I had no boundaries and that eventually led to people taking advantage, feeling I had let people down, I was worthless and I wasn’t enough, leading to an emotional breakdown.
Now, I love to sit in silence, I understand the power of ”no” , I no longer people please, I have safe boundaries and I know who I am, but also who I am not, I am not my labels, I am not my self limiting beliefs, I am enough, just as I am.
My childhood may have shaped me, but it doesn’t have to define me.
Ask yourself “Who am I?”
Take care
Carole
Mindfulness Teacher and self care coach