Unconscious Habits-Are they making you unhappy?

Are you feeling unhappy ?

Maybe you feel like that even when everything seems fine, and there is no reason to be unhappy in the first place..

It’s obvious that everyone has their own unique situation and experiences, but the core reason might be much simpler than you think.

There used to be periods in my life when I felt unhappy all the time .Getting a promotion, earning more money, buying more stuff gave only a temporary relief. Soon after I got what I wanted, the feeling of unhappiness would return again.

I couldn’t understand why all my efforts ended up the same way. What can I do to feel better?

After starting my mindfulness and meditation practice and observing my thoughts , I discovered unconscious habits that were making me unhappy.

Id like to share them with you today.

To understand the first habit ,conduct a simple experiment .Pay attention to your state of mind in the middle of a routine activity.

I’ll explain further, let’s say you’re waiting in line, or stuck in a traffic jam. Does it feel unbearable to the point that you would do anything to make it move faster?

Do you feel angry at a cashier for being slow or at people who stand before you?

Many people find this waiting difficult, they start to look at their phone, perhaps scrolling through Facebook or reading messages to make the time go faster.

This is a mental habit ,where we treat the present moment as a means to an end. You perform an activity only to get to the next moment. You don’t want to be where you are right now.

To the ego, the present moment is at best only useful as a means to an end. It gets you to some future moment that is considered more important. Even though the future never comes, except as the present moment. And is therefore never more than a thought in your head. In other words you’re never fully here, because you’re always busy trying to get elsewhere.

There’s another mental habit that takes this one step further. How do you know if you’re exhibiting this unhealthy pattern in your life?

It’s very simple -ask yourself how many problems do you need to solve in the next few months?

How important are they on a scale of 1-10?

Once you’ve named them, notice how they take up all your thoughts and leave no space for anything else. All you can think about is your problems.

This is the point where life becomes problematic and you treat the present moment as an obstacle. Seeing problems becomes your go- to approach to life. But for every problem that you solve, a new one pops up and you continue to run in a endless circle of stress and unfulfillment.

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be” says Life or the Now. “I’ll treat you the way your treat me. If you see me as a problem, I will be a problem to you. If you treat me as an obstacle, I will be an obstacle” -Eckhart Tolle

When treating everything as a “problem” becomes a habit practised in all aspects of your life, the world becomes a very unwelcome place.

Eventually you start to see the present moment as an enemy. You hate what you do, complain about every little thing that goes wrong and see yourself as a victim of unfortunate circumstances.

In other words, you are in conflict with what is. When you are in conflict with reality , your life becomes frustrating and unbearable. A lot of anxiety is caused by wanting things to be different.

You are making life into an enemy and life says “War is what you want, and war is what you get”

An external reality which always reflects back to you your inner state , is then experienced as hostile.

Whenever you feel unhappy or discontent ask yourself “What is my relationship with the present moment?” and then look deep inside yourself for the answer.

More often than not, you may find that you are treating the present moment as a means to an end, an obstacle or an enemy.

The truth is, the present moment is inseparable from Life. And so what you’re really doing is making an enemy of Life itself.

This question is an excellent way of unmasking the ego in you and bringing you into the state of presence. Although the question doesn’t embody the absolute truth-ultimately, ”I” and present moment are one-it’s a useful pointer in the right direction. Ask yourself it often ,until you don’t need it anymore.

Take care

Carole xx